Sorry we've been slacking on the blog lately - too busy eating/sitting. We thought we'd share some cooking tips with you, obese stylee.
1. When you open a new packet of food, you might as well eat the whole lot, e.g. 12 pack of yorkshire puddings.
2. When you're drunk, frequently eating is adament. Do not include fruit or vegetables in drunk snacks.
3. Same goes for days when you're feeling hungover, ill or mentally fragile.
4. If the food on your plate is mainly beige and gold (pastry, chips, fried goods, batter, bread etc), you have succeeded in obesifying your meal.
5. If your meal takes more than 20 minutes to cook, feel free to snack until it's time.
6. Same goes for waiting for your takeaway to arrive.
7. Most diet and health experts advise eating little and frequently. We advise eating loads, frequently.
8. If more than two portions of vegetables make an appearence in your dinner, you are allowed a beige/golden second dinner later on. This is allowed even if you didn't consume the vegetables. The fact that they were on your plate was probably traumatic enough.
9. If you're worried your meal doesn't look big enough in the frying pan/saucepan/baking tray etc, add more. Better safe than sorry and hungry.
10. If the packet says it contains two servings, it actually means one. Double all your ingredients for an Emma and Georgina sized meal.
x
Thursday, 7 April 2011
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
Blue Whales - quote of the day
Emma and I were discussing what we'd be if we were animals, and I did at first think that a couple of hippos chilling out in a tranquil lake would be a good description, but then I thought, no! Blue whales! The biggest mammals on earth.
Sunday, 27 March 2011
Fernand on Cereal (guest post).
OMG. It's probably unheard of for cereals to have MSG or whatever, but ever since my brother went to America for a school trip and brought back some Lucky Charms, I've had some ridunkulously stupid cravings for it.
All it took was the remains of one box (just about one decent servings full) and I boxed that niiiicely. Little did I know that this little bowl of humble toasted oat shapes and sweet sweet melt-on-your-tongue rainbow shapes of marshmallow would cause havoc on my appetite.
Later that evening I was craving something sweet - not too sweet, or fattening as I'm trying to eat healthily you see. Then it hit me: LUCKY CHARMS. Now this is odd as most cravings never end up on something so specific… but argh! Was my tongue and mind screaming for something slightly crunchy and ice cold.
However! I did not fall to the alluring and strong pull of the ever reserved yet happy looking breakfast box. Oh no. I held strong and fired up some dance music to distract the rhythmic growling of my stomach.
The next morning boy was I happy to wake up! Sh*t, shower and a shave later I settled down to a bowl of *sings* Lucky Charrrrrms! But disaster struck. Nooo!!!
There was only a small amount of milk left in the bottle! Shock. Horror. Nevertheless, and with a stroke of luck (Im sure those Charms were paying me back for doing it such justice) I had just enough for a relatively large serving. Yum. My morning was sorted.
But the addiction was tightening its hold. Just had Sunday Roast about an hour ago and the combination of my fast metabolism and this muscle bound Lucky Charm craving whispered into my ear… "I think its time for another bowl now, sonny."
Damn! Must. Resist. Sweet and cool crunch… no! Must resist! But I remembered milk was bought just earlier today - get innnnn my son! - and so the strong walls tumbled, and I stumbled (well more walked really quickly to the kitchen) and hastily began the decanting process of those gorgeous pieces of treasure doused in ice. cold. milk. Aaaaaaaah.
Done and dusted now, and I'm feeling lurrrrrrrvely. Just give it a few hours and I guarantee I'll be in a sugar craved chokehold by this Lucky fella…
Fernand x
http://www.facebook.com/fernando.without.the.o
All it took was the remains of one box (just about one decent servings full) and I boxed that niiiicely. Little did I know that this little bowl of humble toasted oat shapes and sweet sweet melt-on-your-tongue rainbow shapes of marshmallow would cause havoc on my appetite.
Later that evening I was craving something sweet - not too sweet, or fattening as I'm trying to eat healthily you see. Then it hit me: LUCKY CHARMS. Now this is odd as most cravings never end up on something so specific… but argh! Was my tongue and mind screaming for something slightly crunchy and ice cold.
However! I did not fall to the alluring and strong pull of the ever reserved yet happy looking breakfast box. Oh no. I held strong and fired up some dance music to distract the rhythmic growling of my stomach.
The next morning boy was I happy to wake up! Sh*t, shower and a shave later I settled down to a bowl of *sings* Lucky Charrrrrms! But disaster struck. Nooo!!!
There was only a small amount of milk left in the bottle! Shock. Horror. Nevertheless, and with a stroke of luck (Im sure those Charms were paying me back for doing it such justice) I had just enough for a relatively large serving. Yum. My morning was sorted.
But the addiction was tightening its hold. Just had Sunday Roast about an hour ago and the combination of my fast metabolism and this muscle bound Lucky Charm craving whispered into my ear… "I think its time for another bowl now, sonny."
Damn! Must. Resist. Sweet and cool crunch… no! Must resist! But I remembered milk was bought just earlier today - get innnnn my son! - and so the strong walls tumbled, and I stumbled (well more walked really quickly to the kitchen) and hastily began the decanting process of those gorgeous pieces of treasure doused in ice. cold. milk. Aaaaaaaah.
Done and dusted now, and I'm feeling lurrrrrrrvely. Just give it a few hours and I guarantee I'll be in a sugar craved chokehold by this Lucky fella…
Fernand x
http://www.facebook.com/fernando.without.the.o
Friday, 25 March 2011
Quote of the day
I made a lasagne today. It should have fed a family of four... it fed a family of one - me.
Emma x
Emma x
Monday, 21 March 2011
10 Top Tips To Obesify
Hello!
We've not posted for a few days, thanks to a very busy weekend - one of our friends, Hayley, came to visit us at university. Hayley is very skinny - she's recently been on a diet and lost loads of weight. This got us thinking - most people want to lose weight (us included but we're lazy and like crisps/chips/burgers/pizzas/bread/chocolate/sweets too much), and there are probably numerous websites with 'top tips to lose weight'. We thought, why not write a list of top tips to obesify?! So here they are:
1. Always finish everything on your plate. This means everything. Even condiments.
2. Eat whenever you're bored.
3. If it gets to 1:00am and you still haven't gone to bed, have a second dinner.
4. Dessert is mandatory after every meal - even breakfast.
5. Obesity is a mobility difficulty (not being able to fit through gaps, etc), so don't feel bad about getting the lift/escalator, even if it's just up one floor.
6. If you get a Diet Coke (opposed to full fat) in McDonald's with your meal, you're allowed to make it a large, and get a McFlurry too!
7. If you're bored and want to eat but you still feel full, make yourself sick or force out a poo.
8. Food consumed when under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol doesn't count in your daily calorie intake.
9. This also counts for days when you feel hungover, ill or mentally fragile.
10. This also counts for food consumed between the hours of 1:00am and 7:00am, and on weekends.
Happy obesifying!
Georgina and Emma x
We've not posted for a few days, thanks to a very busy weekend - one of our friends, Hayley, came to visit us at university. Hayley is very skinny - she's recently been on a diet and lost loads of weight. This got us thinking - most people want to lose weight (us included but we're lazy and like crisps/chips/burgers/pizzas/bread/chocolate/sweets too much), and there are probably numerous websites with 'top tips to lose weight'. We thought, why not write a list of top tips to obesify?! So here they are:
1. Always finish everything on your plate. This means everything. Even condiments.
2. Eat whenever you're bored.
3. If it gets to 1:00am and you still haven't gone to bed, have a second dinner.
4. Dessert is mandatory after every meal - even breakfast.
5. Obesity is a mobility difficulty (not being able to fit through gaps, etc), so don't feel bad about getting the lift/escalator, even if it's just up one floor.
6. If you get a Diet Coke (opposed to full fat) in McDonald's with your meal, you're allowed to make it a large, and get a McFlurry too!
7. If you're bored and want to eat but you still feel full, make yourself sick or force out a poo.
8. Food consumed when under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol doesn't count in your daily calorie intake.
9. This also counts for days when you feel hungover, ill or mentally fragile.
10. This also counts for food consumed between the hours of 1:00am and 7:00am, and on weekends.
Happy obesifying!
Georgina and Emma x
Thursday, 17 March 2011
Dinner
It's 5:30pm and I'm thinking about dinner. I started to go through my options of what I could have:
- soup and toast
- pasta
- chips and chicken nuggets
- egg sandwich
- takeaway
(or all.)
I realised, a few minutes into my 57th food related thought process of the day, that I wasn't hungry. I had leftover lasagne and garlic bread from yesterday at lunchtime. And ice cream for dessert (only a true fatty has ice cream for dessert at lunchtime). I basically had dinner already today, so technically I should be having lunch tonight. What is a normal lunch? A ham sandwich and crisps? Or a salad..? Maybe a small bowl of soup with no croutons/bread/rolls?! I couldn't do that to myself. If I'm not getting drunk on a night out, night time is for eating and telly. I fully intend to eat another full dinner (and dessert) tonight. I'll let you know what I choose.
Georgina x
p.s. I had super noodles, then sweet potato wedges. Then some doritos. Oh and chocolate.
- soup and toast
- pasta
- chips and chicken nuggets
- egg sandwich
- takeaway
(or all.)
I realised, a few minutes into my 57th food related thought process of the day, that I wasn't hungry. I had leftover lasagne and garlic bread from yesterday at lunchtime. And ice cream for dessert (only a true fatty has ice cream for dessert at lunchtime). I basically had dinner already today, so technically I should be having lunch tonight. What is a normal lunch? A ham sandwich and crisps? Or a salad..? Maybe a small bowl of soup with no croutons/bread/rolls?! I couldn't do that to myself. If I'm not getting drunk on a night out, night time is for eating and telly. I fully intend to eat another full dinner (and dessert) tonight. I'll let you know what I choose.
Georgina x
p.s. I had super noodles, then sweet potato wedges. Then some doritos. Oh and chocolate.
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Guest Quote Of The Day!
Quote of the day by Royston Jenkins:
"I just feel so content when I'm eating cake."
(while eating a box of 6 Mr Kipling angel slices).
Georgina x
"I just feel so content when I'm eating cake."
(while eating a box of 6 Mr Kipling angel slices).
Georgina x
Tuesday, 15 March 2011
Quote Of The Day (Take 2)
I just found a piece of the popcorn I had earlier down the side of the sofa and got excited.
Georgina x
Georgina x
Quote Of The Day
On my internet dating profile I am listed as carrying a few extra pounds, but a few extra stones would probably be a more accurate description...
Emma x
Emma x
Monday, 14 March 2011
Stomach Rumbles
It's 3.15pm and I'm in the computer room at uni. I'm just about to leave to go and buy some food for my two-hour-long seminar in 45 minutes.
The obesity-related problem lies in the thought I just had: I'm not actually hungry. In fact I'm quite full (for once). I've had a sandwich and some crisps today and just had a fake Red Bull that cost me 35p from the shop. Not loads of food (again, for once), but enough to 'keep me going'*. Anyway, yeah, I'm going to buy MORE food for my seminar!! What is wrong with me?! I just don't want my stomach to rumble. Even though I'm alright friends with the people I sit with so it's not like they'll care, and it's perfectly normal to be hungry once in a while, I still want to stuff my face just to make sure nobody knows how obese I am. Cos it's not like they can tell from just looking at me.
It's sort of ironic though seeing as I'll turn up the the seminar with crisps or sandwich or chocolate or sweets or biscuits (or all?) and people will see me and be like, "oh look the fatty's eating again". So they already know I'm obese from that fact - and also because I do actually look quite fat. Yet for some reason I'd rather they see me shoving food down my throat, than possibly hear my stomach rumble..which probably won't happen, because I'm full up anyway from lunch. Oh well.
Georgina x
*Why do people say this?! "Oh have a massive portion of fried chicken, chips and shitloads of burger sauce to keep you going", as if you'll keel over and die if you don't stuff your face every couple of hours?! And it's not like I don't have enough fat to live off of anyway in case God forbid I didn't eat for an hour. Not that I'm complaining, seeing as I use this excuse all the time.
Sunday, 13 March 2011
Weight Watchers
I went to Weight Watchers once back in January this year, but I still found ways to still eat enough:
(For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Weight Watchers system, you basically get a 'points allowance' per day. I was allowed 32 points of food. As an example, a bottle of wine is 18 points. A pint of cider is 4 points. A slice of bread is 2 points. A tin of baked beans is 10 points! And so on.)
1. I didn't include alcohol in my points allowance.
2. Vegetables were 'free', but my plate of 'Roasted Vegetable Medley' still resembled a mini Mount Everest.
3. I took days off.
4. After midnight, points didn't count. It was dark. Nobody could see me.
5. Hangover days were not included, or days whenever I felt ill, or mentally fragile.
6. Our Asda shopping trolley consisted of fruit and vegetables, but we still got a takeaway when we got home.
7. Adding vegetables to dinner (including large Domino's pizzas) automatically made the points allowance invalid.
8. If I didn't use a plate/bowl for my food, calories didn't exist.
9. Also relevant if I ate while standing.
10. The Weight Watchers motto is "This time, decide to lose weight for the last time." - yeah, trust me, that was the last time...I'll embrace my rolls.
Emma x
(For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Weight Watchers system, you basically get a 'points allowance' per day. I was allowed 32 points of food. As an example, a bottle of wine is 18 points. A pint of cider is 4 points. A slice of bread is 2 points. A tin of baked beans is 10 points! And so on.)
1. I didn't include alcohol in my points allowance.
2. Vegetables were 'free', but my plate of 'Roasted Vegetable Medley' still resembled a mini Mount Everest.
3. I took days off.
4. After midnight, points didn't count. It was dark. Nobody could see me.
5. Hangover days were not included, or days whenever I felt ill, or mentally fragile.
6. Our Asda shopping trolley consisted of fruit and vegetables, but we still got a takeaway when we got home.
7. Adding vegetables to dinner (including large Domino's pizzas) automatically made the points allowance invalid.
8. If I didn't use a plate/bowl for my food, calories didn't exist.
9. Also relevant if I ate while standing.
10. The Weight Watchers motto is "This time, decide to lose weight for the last time." - yeah, trust me, that was the last time...I'll embrace my rolls.
Emma x
Hot Chocolate and Salad
I always drink Cadbury's Highlights hot chocolate. It has 40 calories per 'serving'. It must be noted that I don't drink Highlights cos it's 40 calories a serving. I don't care about calories per serving. I drink it cos it tastes proper nice, especially with two spoonfuls of sugar and loads of whipped cream. And on my morbidly obese days (as opposed to the more common 'just' clinically obese days), I sometimes put chocolate sprinkles on the whipped cream. 40 calories? Lol. Nah. More like 400. Or maybe a little bit less, but still, the same amount of calories as a small meal, or perhaps a sensible side dish.
This reminds me of all the other things I do to healthy food to make it impure and tainted. I could eat a salad consisting of lettuce leaves, tomatoes, cucumbers, spinach, spring onion, celery....and other boring shit. I don't actually mind salad that much, but I obeseify it by adding lashings of creamy dressing, bacon bits, fried onion sprinkles, croutons, grated cheese, chicken slices and salami. And by eating it as a side salad, when in actual fact my main meal is a massive lasagne with a garlic baguette, the salad is thus obesified.
You could be just like me, if you obesified your healthy food.
Georgina x
This reminds me of all the other things I do to healthy food to make it impure and tainted. I could eat a salad consisting of lettuce leaves, tomatoes, cucumbers, spinach, spring onion, celery....and other boring shit. I don't actually mind salad that much, but I obeseify it by adding lashings of creamy dressing, bacon bits, fried onion sprinkles, croutons, grated cheese, chicken slices and salami. And by eating it as a side salad, when in actual fact my main meal is a massive lasagne with a garlic baguette, the salad is thus obesified.
You could be just like me, if you obesified your healthy food.
Georgina x
Saturday, 12 March 2011
Welcome!
Welcome to This Is Why I'm Obese.
My name is Georgina, and I'm obese. I would like to think I carry it well, but I won't lie to myself, I look like a whale.
I'm 20 years old and I go to university. In my spare time I watch TV, drink a lot of alcohol, and eat. I do other things, but they don't contribute to my obesity as much as the aforementioned three hobbies. This blog will literally explain all the things that I and my friend Emma (who is also obese) do to 'help' our obesity along. We'd like to be slim but we'd also like to continue eating fried chicken and Domino's.
Hope you enjoy the blog.
My name is Georgina, and I'm obese. I would like to think I carry it well, but I won't lie to myself, I look like a whale.
I'm 20 years old and I go to university. In my spare time I watch TV, drink a lot of alcohol, and eat. I do other things, but they don't contribute to my obesity as much as the aforementioned three hobbies. This blog will literally explain all the things that I and my friend Emma (who is also obese) do to 'help' our obesity along. We'd like to be slim but we'd also like to continue eating fried chicken and Domino's.
Hope you enjoy the blog.
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